Warning Signs of Commitment Issues and New Relationships

Commitment is a core part of our character. We either have character or we think we are characters. When you have character you're driven to fulfill your agreements and promises. Unfortunately, there are people who use promise's of commitment to manipulate as a way to get what they want. These folks like running the race, and enjoy the rush of intense feelings at the beginning, but can't cross the finish line as an involved and committed partner.When we get so wrapped up in the hopefulness and our fuzzy emotions we can miss signs that the other person is not able or willing to commit.
Here are some indicators that commitment was or is a problem and may be again. You can use these notations to assess previous involvements and your present situation and evaluate future relationships:
1. Things happened too fast. There was a rush to go farther and faster based on how wonderful it feels to be with someone who seems to be connected to you. If someone seemed to fall for you a little too fast, that could be a warning sign. Their need or yours for some kind of involvement could have more to do with closing the deal and moving on to sex.
2. Often the need to be with someone is so strong that they will settle for what comes fastest and don't make a real effort to know you or for you to know them. There is more emphasis on the context of how things look and feel than on the substance.
3. They have a life and activities that you're not a part of. They are frequently reluctant to share activities with you and become involved in what's going on in your life.
4. As the relationship starts to grow if the other person isn't willing or able to make more time for you, this could be a warning sign. You know there's a problem when the other person simply doesn't seem to have enough time or space in their life for you.
5. They remain too involved in their own life and activities, putting a greater priority on that than the relationship.
6. The relationship that unfolded had more to do with the rush of emotions than the development of a strong and committed bond.
7. One of the biggest problems in commitment comes from people who rebounded from other relationships and did not complete their healing process.
8. Another thing that many people overlook, is the other person's history of relationships. I fell head over heels with a woman, only to find out that she had already been married three times, that her father had been married five times and her therapist had also been married five times. I didn't listen to was common sense, and rushed into getting married, because I thought the emotions that I was feeling would be stronger than her history. Wrong!
9. Was the other person story congruent with their actions, words, activities, and promises?
When we start exploring and entering into relationships with someone else, we invest a lot of ourselves. If the investment is in someone who is not willing or able to reciprocate, it's better to cut the losses early, move on and find someone else who will.
Most of my working life has been involved in helping people in crisis and life transitions. I started as a street cop where I learned to deal calmly with difficult and explosive situations. After graduating from college I left the PD and went to the largest independent insurance adjusting company in the world. Along the way I spent 6 years as a shift supervisor with a large crisis center handling suicides, spousal abuse, drug and alcohol issues, rape, incest and people with codependency issues. In 1999 I completed a 2 year program to be a life coach and specialize in crisis issues like divorce.
I offer FREE Resources at http://www.realisticcoaching.com/ in the Products Area at the end of the section.

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