Fear - It Grips More Than The Relationship

I was ashamed of myself. I should have known better. Why did I allow this to happen? Why did I let this go so far? What the hell was I thinking? Men as well as women can be on the wrong side of an abusive relationship. I know, I was there, and these are just some of the thoughts that came to mind when I looked back and began to write my book about the experience. Although you see many stories and hear about women who are abused in some way, physically, mentally or emotionally, there are many men who find themselves on the receiving end.
The conclusions that I came to might surprise you, might even shock you, but the main conclusion I came to was this. Almost everything I did, was done out of fear. Fear of what might happen, fear of what could happen, fear of what people thought, fear of what people would say and ultimately, fear of the unknown. Maybe there are fewer stories about men in abusive relationships because of fear. They probably feel that as a man they might be viewed or ridiculed as being weak or pathetic, unable to stand up to a woman and take charge of the situation.
Personally and speaking from hard earned experience, I got myself into the relationship from hell. I often asked myself how I could have been so stupid to carry on with a relationship which was clearly never going to last. I got engaged; I got married and endured a honeymoon nightmare after a wedding day disaster that most people couldn't even imagine.
I believe that many people are in relationships, men and women that they just shouldn't be in. Like me they are or were in the relationship for the wrong reasons, one of the main reasons being fear. It's only when we step out of the fear factor and allow ourselves to be free, that we feel alive again.
Experience is a great teacher and in any lifetime we all have lessons to learn. I was lucky. My inner voices, or as I prefer to call them, my spirit guides, were on hand to steer me through the troubled times and get me to the other side. Here we have another major issue. Most often we are led by our brain and logic rather than being led by our hearts. We may often feel that our heart is talking but more often than not it's logic mixed with fear. It's only when we get quiet, we have time to reflect and truly follow the heart's desire. I know of no one who ever had the heart's desire to live in an abusive relationship, so the question is: Why do so many people find themselves there?
There is nothing wrong with admitting mistakes and leaving a relationship that isn't working. The trick is to leave the relationship and stay away. Going back on the promise of changes being made rarely, if ever work, especially if there has been a troubled and turbulent history. At best the changes will last a few days, a few weeks, or if you are really lucky, a few months. It's never too long before the old habits start repeating and you're back at square one. How long do you go on? How much do you take? How far do you let things slide, before you see sense and leave for good? All good questions and if you are in the wrong relationship, then I hope you answer them quicker than I did.
Like most everyone else I have lived my life in a predominantly linear manner. I mean I have always tried to figure everything out with brain power, willpower or mind power. The truth is that there is no real power in any of these. Sure we can logically reason and make decisions based on the information we receive through our brain or mind. The trouble with that is the information is filtered and based on beliefs or what we already know. Sometimes these filters are defective or fear based and the information we get can be faulty or incomplete.
Since writing "Orion & The Wildcat" I have found that my perspectives have changed or are beginning to change. I now believe that we should not be thinking with our minds but following our hearts instead.
Here is why:
In the book you'll discover the consequences I faced as I allowed my EGO and fears to be the basis for almost all the decisions I made. See for yourself the timeless wisdom that was being presented to me that was largely ignored. I also reveal the disastrous situations I found myself in due to the blind faith I had in logic and reason.
http://orionandthewildcat.com/
http://natureowisdom.com/

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How to recover from the collapse of the relationship

Of all the painful experience, there is little that I can imagine that are greater than the pain that develops from the beloved. In my life I have had 2 major relationship break-ups "luck". I'm lucky, because these experiences I provides the largest and most experiential learning that someone interested in (through the pain, which may have had to endure.) I came to learn that every relationship, lifelong or temporary is the God of the assignment. He sent me for my learning.
Grieving-losing the relationship is a loss. Although no grief process is typical, it is important to recognize and process 5 phases. You can lead to long-lasting sense of confusion and inhibit your ability to move forward. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
Letting go to forgive-forgiveness is the miracles of things. This is often seen as difficult because people tend to misunderstand the forgiveness. It's not about another person, it's about the release of mental disorders, which may cause pain in the you. Sit down with pen and paper journal my feelings, good and bad. With the Declaration of forgiveness. Declaration of pardons does not condone any conduct that was disrespectful or inappropriate. However, to regain power in stop you guarantee situation in mind, we suffer. We were hurt and betrayed in the past, but we want to stop, he carried the cross.
Atone for part of the-owning a gun and you will protect you against the protruding or transferring the blame. The resurrection is guaranteed to follow.
Pray for healing-it's time for the orientation. Whatever your faith, ask for a miracle. In response to your question, pray for healing in your mind. Ask God for the treatment of your mind that believes I'm separated from love. Pain of the break is in part because of mis-identification with the relationship as who you are, but it is an error that needs correction. Are you a complete and whole, as it was before the relationship when they (and before you were born) and will be for all eternity.
Be careful on his thoughts-ego mind thrive in the belief that you are separate and without love. It will be lecturing the craziest things in my head. It may say things like, "I can't go, I'm afraid to be alone, I failed, I can't live without it, no one will ever love me", and so on. These ideas were cut off from the reality of peace and joy, you are looking for. Be wary and identify. Accept only ideas that spread the love.
Take care of yourself-get a good dinner. Touch the old friends. Do what you always wanted to do. My life again, as you want. It's a new chapter, how you read it? It won't be long before you look back at this moment as a key period of growth and appreciation for what you've learned.
Peace and joy are your own transport, suffering is optional. Discover the peace and joy, it's yours. If you are inspired by the spiritual growth and development to visit me at http://www.craigvillarrubia.com/. On the Web you can find free articles, video, and podcasts, which serves as a means of spiritual enlightenment. You can also be with me on Facebook daily rates and updates on http://www.facebook.com/craigvillarrubia.

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Serious Relationship Mistakes to Avoid

Sadly, celebrity divorces make all the headlines for all the wrong reasons. They showcase the most unconscious behavior, especially when it comes to relationships.Too often the rich and famous spend more time working out their wedding details than on determining whether this was a good match from the start. Unfortunately, celebrities are not alone in making this common mistake. Too many couples think no further than the honeymoon plans when contemplating marriage. They have no idea about the complexity behind real relationship issues and the maturity it takes to create a successful long-term outcome.
Divorced couples find this out the hard way. They learn through hindsight about the challenges two people face when living together week after week, month after month in today's stress-filled world. It takes awareness, flexibility, great communication skills and the ability to understand your partner's perspective to make a relationship work - and that's just for routine life experiences. Throw in accidents, sickness, job loss and other major stressors, not to mention the complexities that come with having children, and it's easy to understand why so many marriages fail and too often end in divorce.
If you're divorced and looking to find a healthier, happier relationship ahead, or marrying for the first time and want to avoid relationship disasters, here are some tips that are worth serious consideration:
· Know your partner well -- during the good times and the bad. It's after you face disagreements, nursing your partner through an illness and other life challenges that you find out who you are really contemplating spending the rest of your life with. If what you discover makes you uncomfortable, have some serious conversations - or move on before making any further commitments.
· Don't expect to be "completed," "saved," or "fixed." No one can fill the void in your inner self. You're setting your partner up for failure if you expect them to fix your problems and love you through your unresolved issues. Do the inner work on yourself first, perhaps with the support of a therapist. Heal your wounds and neediness. Then seek out another soul who has done the same to partner with you.
· Be hooked on more than just romance. Happily married couples will tell you that you have to be more than great bed-mates to make a real relationship work. Look for common values, goals, beliefs and interests. Opposites may attract in the short-term, but you want a marriage based on respect and sharing a future together. If your core values and interests are not in alignment, you're facing a tougher road ahead.
· Be your authentic self - and don't change for a partner's approval. You can't fake your way through a marriage. If you hate sports, the internet or pets, state it up front and find a mate who loves you knowing this reality. It's unfair to hide your true self from your partner and it's a disservice to yourself pretending to be who you are not. Honor who you are and look for a partner with high self-esteem who loves themselves as they are. That's a formula for lasting relationship success!
As so many celebrities discover, money won't buy you a happy marriage. You can't use sensuality as a substitute for good sense. Relationships don't have storybook endings. They require constant attention, the ability to sacrifice and compromise at times, and a heavy dose of respect for the person you brought into your life.
Before setting out in the relationship world, work on your inner demons, let go of the baggage from previous relationships, and take your time in getting to know the special partner you are choosing. There's no magic wand that will make your relationship succeed, but these guidelines will set you on a course that will circumvent a lot of pot holes along the road to happily ever after.
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a divorce and relationship coach. She is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents and author of the internationally acclaimed ebook: How Do I Tell the Kids About the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children - with Love! She is also co-author of the new book: 99 Things Women Wish They Knew Before Dating After 40, 50 & Yes, 60! Her free divorce and parenting tip sheet and coaching programs are available at http://www.childcentereddivorce.com/. Rosalind's free dating tip sheet and relationships courses can be found at http://www.womendatingafter40.com/.

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