It is very difficult to move forward into a new healthy relationship without closing the door one an old one. However, it is important to note that closure is not an absolute "must have". There will be many situations where, due to circumstances, closure is impossible. Besides, your goal is to get over this bump in the road and move on with your life. If you feel that meeting with your ex will cause you more pain, anger, and frustration than it's worth, then face to face closure may not be a great idea.
After all I've said thus far, if you still desire closure and the opportunity is available, then you can feel comfortable in moving forward and seeking closure. You should also be aware that face-to-face or in-person closure is not always needed, and sometimes the process is better achieved via the phone or-even better-in a letter or email.
Now that we have identified what closure is not and how it should not be used, let's take a look at three items that should comprise our main purpose and objectives. I call them the Three C's of closure.
1. Create
The goal here is to create a landmark for yourself to signify that it's over and that you have no intention of returning ever again. Of course, you don't speak these words; this exercise is for you, not to convey to your ex that you're over them. You shouldn't care what he/she thinks. The simple gesture of a good-bye, I wish you well, spoken from a place of clarity and balance as opposed to anger and frustration, is what we are aiming for. This is the type of traditional good-bye that we are all familiar with. It's less likely to create emotional turmoil or resentment than words spoken in anger.
2. Cooperation
This is where you tie up any loose ends. These are the same loose ends that could have easily been used as excuses when you were not as strong emotionally. The sweater she left behind, or his favorite pair of jeans that he left at your house-this is the time to return them. In short, any financial obligations or items of personal property can now be dealt with.
3. Care
This is the most important part of closure, but the care is not for your ex; it's for you. This is your opportunity to release yourself from any feelings of guilt over breakup. Remember, this is for you, not the other person, so don't feel the need to offer an apology or a lengthy explanation. A simple "I truly am sorry for the way things turned out" is good enough.
If they offer an apology for their part, again, don't go into details, just say "Thank you, I appreciate your apology"
Once the Three C's have been addressed, there is no need to drag it on any longer than necessary. Thank them for their time, give them a quick hug if you want, but that's it-the door is closed, and you are out!
Respectfully,
Jason
Visit my blog for more Breakup Recovery Strategies - http://www.breakuprecoveryblog.com/
Source
No comments:
Post a Comment